Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
