I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
