It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
