finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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