in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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