Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
