you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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