I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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