I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
