once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
