This is not my ceiling
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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