Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
try to milk me bitch
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
