I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
