Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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