god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
