i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
