____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Less talking, more tequila
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize