my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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