It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
