My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
