I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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