they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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