You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
