I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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