and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
