I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
