it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
