I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
