my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
