He asked to "fluff my boner.."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
