are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
