she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.