Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me