Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.