I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize