remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.