I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.