i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.