Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
