I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
