and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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