what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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