Your tits are I can't wait for
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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