Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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