This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
