Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
