Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
