you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
