There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
