I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
