You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
