PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
