i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
