Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
