Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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