You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
