I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
