We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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