I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
