Don't make out with my wife yet
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
