Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
