so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
