Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
