Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
