Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
