There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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