What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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