no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
