your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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