just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
