By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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