I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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