just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
