My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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