We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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