Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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