using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
