I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
