just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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