I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
