What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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