the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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