Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Your dad touched me again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
