loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
